Gears of Dating
by Apparition of a Fox
Summary: Join Dominic Santiago and the perils of online dating!


Disclaimer: I don't own Gears of War. Or the dating sites I am talking about, just wanted some laughs. *giggles hope you like it*

Delta was sick of Dom moping around the house. They knew Maria had been very close to Dom's heart, but it had been atleast two years since he had found her, just to lose her again. With no Locust or Lambent to terrorize them, it was time to get back to normal, or as normal as you could,in society.  
Baird and Dana were standing behind Dom, watching him cycle through thousands of potential dates. He sighed,"There's noone here I like. They're either to young or just very to old. Do I have to do this?" Baird grinned, pulling on Dom's beard,"You know your not that young yourself anymore. You really should shave that shit off. Man you look like you swallowed a goat's ass." Dana just patted his shoulder saying,"Just give it a try big brother. You can't just sit around an be depressed all your life. Needing to move on with your life is one of the many steps in recovery."  
Baird nudged Dana,"Thank you Dr. Phil. Hey can you prescribe me something for Baird Jr. down here. Since your seem so happy to find your brother some tail. How bout after this, me and you... OUCH! What the hell was that for?" Dana kneed Baird close to his groin, making a point,"You better tell Baird Jr. that if he wants to stand straight again, he'll shut up and help my brother." Baird instantly became serious, afraid he might actually get hit in the nuts.  
Dom made a weak grin,"You two should totally get married. You remind me of Maria and me when we where teenagers. Oh god.. I'm doing it again." Dana hugged the ragged Dom,"It will be alright. You wait and see." They started flicking through more women, when Baird said, pointing,"How about this one. She seems hot." Dom looked at the picture of a woman that reminded him of a Barbie doll, complete with the friggin' blonde hair too. Dom said,"I don't know. What if she doesn't like me?" Baird just stated matter of factly,"Then we go to the next one."  
Dom sighed,"Well here goes nothing."

Dom's #1. date- It's a Barbie world  
Cynthia was talking a storm. Dom just set there and watch like he was interested in anything she said. From the moment he had met her, he knew this was a crap date. She eyed his thick tangle of beard like he was a hillbilly come out of his cave. Then after that, when he asked her about herself, she had exploded with comments and things that her girlfriends had done. Cynthia said,"Are you even listening to me?" Dom shook his head,"Sorry, must have been somewhere else for a few minutes." Cynthia looked at him disapprovingly,"You know I don't think this is gonna work out. It would be like Paris Hilton going out with Weird Al. Our breed don't mix." Dom nodded,"I totally agree. Rather have someone with less plastic anyways." She said,"What did you say something?" But before he could answer, her cell rang and she answered,"Heeelllooo this is Cynthia. Oh my gosh, he totally didn't. Yeah I'm here on that blind date thing. Looks like I got stuck with the monkey." Dom rolled his eyes, quietly slipping away. He grinned,"Let Barbie take the check."

Two days later, after some mental recovery from Barbie...  
It was Cole this time giving Dom support. He whistled and whooped as Dom scrolled down all the women. He said,"Whoo baby. Look at all those pretty things. Cole Train likes this." He pointed to a toughlooking women. In her profile, it said she liked to camp, whitewater raft, cliff diving, and wants a man who can survive in the wilderness. Dom asked,"Do you think being an ex commando would qualify me. I does sound pretty cool camping." Cole grinned,"Hey baby, it all qood. Make a date and let's see what happens."

Dom's date #2.- Survival from Hell  
Bertha was a stout woman, built like a brick shithouse. Everything about her made Dom feel meek compared to her. She was a tall red head with muscles like a freaking body builder and she was wearing a red flennel shirt and huge combat boots. She smiled at him when he approached,"Nice to see someone showed up. You ready to go rafting?" Dom nodded, alittle nervous. He kind of hated water. She tugged on his beard,"Like the hermit look. Turns me on." Dom sputtered,"Thanks, I guess." It wasn't soon that Dom realized that what she meant by rafting, wasn't exactly what he had in mind. A small rubber boat and two paddles. He asked,"Where's the life jackets?" She answered,"Honey, when you get as good as me, you don't have to have them. Now get in the boat and let's get this party started. Dom gulped. This wasn't gonna end to well.

An hour later Dom screamed at the top of his lungs as they plunged off of a freaking waterfall. Bertha just wooted and let the rush take her. Dom, on the other hand, was pissing or crapping himself. He thought,"I'm going to die! I am here with a psycho lady with a thrill issue and I'm going to die. I didn't even get to tell everyone bye." That was all he thought as the boat impacted with the bottom. They went under, resurfacing only minutes later. Dom choked on water. Bertha just yelled like a animal and started paddling for shore. After a few shocked minutes, Dom helped her. When they got to land and had gotten out of the lucky little raft, Bertha grabbed Dom like a kid and planted a kiss on his lips. He backed away, frieghtened,"Uh Bertha, are you okay?" Bertha sneered,"I'm fine Dom. It's just your better than fine. Why don't we go back to the tents and see how fine you are?" Dom sputtered,"Oh hell no!" He shot off into the woods like a hare being chased by a hungry wolf. He heard Bertha laughing behind him. He thought as he made it to his car and jumped in, locking the doors,"One more time. If I can't find someone atleast half normal, then I quit. I would rather go be a freaking monk than experience that again."

Later that week...  
Marcus sighed heavily behind Dom. This wasn't exactly his kind of forte. He spoke,"Why don't you lay off this shit for awhile Dom. You almost got freaking killed by the last one and then she tried to rape you, which is kind of funny. Sorry Dom, couldn't help myself." Dom smiled weakly,"Yeah, well she still is calling me. I even think she has been following me around. You don't think she's a stalker, do you?" Marcus grunted,"How the hell would I know. I didn't even know they had women that looked like her. But you can't expect much from a choice Cole picks."  
Dom, for one last time, scrolled through the list of women. He skipped the Barbie girls and the lumberjack kind, shivering at the thought of another date like them. At the very last, Dom pointed out,"Hey, how about her? She looks normal enough. And she is really pretty." Marcus looked at her profile,"Hmmmn, she likes drawing, and playing video games. Atleast you two like games." Dom sighed,"Well what am I waiting for. Time to go on a date."

Dom's date #3.-Jade Amber Denny(~blackwhitewolf)  
Dom smiled nervously at the pretty girl in front of him. They had met at a resteraunt. She had shiny black hair, which was long infront and spiky in back. Her eyes seemed to giggle at his awkwardness. She said,"So what do you like to do?" Dom replied,"Well I like to play video games, mostly the gory ones. And I like to watch movies. Sorry I'm kind of new to this whole dating thing. My last ones scarred me alittle." Jade laughed,"Yeah I know. I had the same problem last week. This guy, on his profile, said he was a freaking artist, but all he really was is a jerk. I freaking had to mace his ass. Can't say that I didn't enjoy it though." Dom grinned,"So what's your favorite game?" She looked at him,"Bioshock of course, then Gears of War. I guess you wouldn't want to play the last one, since it was based on you guys right." Dom asked,"They have a game of us?" Jade giggled,"Heck yeah, and it is freaking awesome, well except for some sad scenes in two. I have to say though, you looked better in number one." Dom blushed,"I have to get that game. I would like to see what I look like." She grinned,"Wanna come to my place and play it?" Dom nodded,"Sure why not." They got up and headed for his car, when she said flatly,"Hey, one thing before we play. Your shaving that hobo beard off. I don't want to look like I'm playing some guy who came off the street." He rubbed his bushy beard,"Does it really look that bad?" Jade nodded,"You have no idea."  
The rest of the day, they both played game. Dom enjoyed himself, and they even made another date for next Saturday. He was about the leave,newly shaven, when she hugged him,"Next week, I show you Bioshock. It will blow your mind." He smiled,"That sounds great. So you really think I look better without the beard?" She laughed,"Yeah you do. So much hotter that looking like a hobo." He laughed, looking shyly at the floor,"Well see you next week." He turned to leave when she wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and gave him a kiss. She said,"See you next week."

Dom came home, actually happy. He sat on the couch next to Marcus and Dana, who where grinning madly. He asked,"Hey guys, what's all the grinning about?" Marcus said,"You know that Bertha woman who was stalking you? Well she just came by to see you and she found Baird here. Seems like she likes him better than you. Saw her chasing him up a friggin' tree not to long ago." Dana grinned,"You should have heard him scream like a girl." Dom laughed,"Dana, I thought Baird was your man?" Dana nodded,"Yeah, but I paid her thirty dollars to chase him. I told her is she actually touched him, I would break her legs and stick them up her ass. She got the picture." Marcus asked,seeing the silly grin on Dom's face,"I take it your date went well. And she got you to shave that shit off your face. She must have been one hell of a date." Dom nodded,"You have no idea. We're having another date next Saturday. She is so cool."  
Baird burst through the doors, shirt and pants ripped. He grabbed Dana, shielding himself behind her,"Please Dana, sweetheart, tell that she-hulk to leave me alone. She almost raped me when I fell out of that tree." They all laughed at him. Bertha came in calling,"Come here blondie. Let me rearrange those goggles for you." Baird yelped and tried to hide more behind Dana, edging her away toward upstairs,"Leave me alone you crazy bitch! Or my girlfriend here will break you into." Marcus stated,"I think this has gone on long enough. Bertha I think it's time you went home and don't come back." Bertha just realized Marcus was in the room and she looked at him appraisingly,"Well aren't you a giant of a man. You could probably wrestle a bear. Come here sweet thing and let me have a piece of that." Marcus backed away, looking coldly at Bertha,"I don't freaking this so lady. You had better march your ass out of here before I kick it for you." Bertha ignored Marcus's threats and came closer. Marcus actually took off running, like the biggest Locust ever was behind him. Dom and the rest laughed at him. Baird sighed, leaning his head on Dana's shoulder,"That was freaking close. I thought she was going to rape me. Not that I don't like women, it's just I don't want to be broken into getting raped." Dana rubbed his hair,"Marcus can distract her for awhile. You wanna go play Gears of War?" Baird nodded and they left. Dom looked confused,"Am I the only one who didn't know there was a Gears of War game about us? Oh well better go call the police, or Marcus will kill me later."

Outside Marcus had climbed a huge tree, while Bertha circled below like a predator waiting for it's prey. She said,"Come down honey, I promise it won't hurt." Marcus's voice broke shrilly, for once he was scared,"Screw you lady. I'll stay up here till you either leave or the police take your ass away." Bertha laughed,"Like that's going to stop me good looking. Your sweetass is mine."

Hoped you liked this! I have not been on here in so long. I really love to hear what you think and to reading all your awesome stories. Byes!


End file.
